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Back May 1, 2012

Posted by linnic in Uncategorized.
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I have decided to return to my blog after a very long hiatus.  I started the blog initially as a way to express my thoughts and concerns regarding my experience with a child who has bipolar disorder.  I stopped blogging when I got a lot of comments bashing my choices and telling me that I shouldn’t bash those with bipolar.  That was never my intent, but unfortunately, our experience hasn’t been a wonderful one and I refuse to believe that I am the only one experiencing these things.   I have disabled the commenting feature on my blog for the time being.  To those readers who mentioned that they are in similar situations, I thank you for sharing your story. 

To offer an update, things aren’t all that different from the last few times I posted.  We are still trying to find the right medications.  We are still attending therapy on a bi weekly basis.  He still has case management and we are still experiencing multiple violent outbursts on a near daily basis.

We are currently back at a psychiatric hospital for the second time in a year.  We are working on trying to find some medication that will enable him to have the time to think about his actions before he goes into a rage.  I continue to be amazed at the lack of support available to the parent of a child whose symptoms include such violent rages.  We are constantly questioned.  In fact, just today the agency in charge of our case management told us that if he didn’t start showing adequate progress that they might refer us to our local child protection agency as a child in need of care.  

I was floored when this was said.  I have done everything I possibly can to try to help my son.  We have been through hours upon hours of individual therapy, group therapy, family therapy, parenting classes, in home strategizing sessions, in home attendant care, case management.  So far, nothing has been effective.  

Today I was told that I didn’t hang in there long enough when trying techniques.  I have tried, given it everything I have for months on end and see no improvement.  I wish that someone would understand that his little brain doesn’t work the same way others’ do.  I have read tons on bipolar and am well aware at some of the astonishing accomplishments of people who have had the disease (both diagnosed, and those from history that exhibited the classic symptoms) and I would love nothing more than for him to be a success story, but we can’t get him to that point with the violent behaviors he is currently dealing with.

Last week we had an incident in which he became suicidal for the first time.  The issue began at school, we took him to a crisis center where he met with a therapist and revealed that he did indeed have a plan, albeit not one that would likely be successful.  We took him home, not yet informing him of his impending hospitalization.  We always take him at night once he has had his evening meds so that he will sleep on the long drive (3 hours).  Once we told him where he would be going, he was hellbent on hurting himself to prevent us from taking him.l  He tried to stab himself and as we were taking the knife away found a lighter on a shelf and said he would set himself on fire.  These were all very new behaviors, and it was one of the scariest episodes ever.  He has currently been hospitalized for the past 12 days and they have yet to suggest when he will be discharged.  

Hopefully I will have the opportunity to update again soon.  

The Car May 31, 2008

Posted by linnic in behavior, Uncategorized.
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My son has two of the little powerwheels vehicles: a mustang and a hummer. He absolutely loves them and every day drives each until the battery is dead. Well today I was inside getting my youngest to stay in bed while my middle son was outside with dad. Dad was mowing in the back, and son was playing in the front. My hubby comes in to tell me that our son had spray painted his mustang. He found an old can of spray paint and decorate it to “make it look cooler for his sister since he was giving it to her for her birthday. Nice gesture, but geez!!! I made him scrub all the paint off, and luckily most came off. The scrubbing process took over an hour. I’m not sure if it will prevent another occurrence or not, but hopefully!!! I am including a picture of one side of the car. The joys of parenthood!!

Summer- UGH!! May 28, 2008

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I’m not sure we are going to survive summer!! My son and daughter were at Grandma’s this weekend and came home Monday.  Since then they have both been home.  We are in the midwest and have had constant rain since last Thursday, which means we have been trapped in the house.  Yesterday was one episode after the next; today isn’t much better.  My son’s defiance has been horrendous.  The outbursts haven’t been much better.  Yesterday we actually had to give him a PRN of Risperdal and Benedryl just to get him through the day.  I haven’t had to do that in months now.

I am getting pushed to my limit.  He always acts worse with me.  It doesn’t matter if I shower him with attention for good things or take it all away when he acts up.  It sure makes me feel worthless as a mom.  So many times in the past two days I have wanted to get up, walk out and not come home.  Of course I would never do that but I sure feel like it at times!!!

I would love to find a good online support group for kids with severe ADHD, bipolar, ODD and the like.  Do you know of any??  Please leave a comment and let me know if you do.

Summertime- Oh boy May 20, 2008

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With summer fast approaching (2 days for my kids, 4 for me), I’m a little anxious. Summer can be a trying time in our family. Less structure than school, more sibling rivalry, etc. I am one of THOSE moms who do not involve their kids in tons of stuff during the summer. Partially due to financial concerns, partially due to the fact that I worry how my son will handle it, and partially because I like my kids to have the time to play. They get to ride bikes, play in the sprinklers, go to the local zoo, swim, and go to the park. I truly hope that being outside will continue to be a calming source for my son, it generally is. Bright sunny days are usually ok, but rainy days spent inside are rough.

My goal is to keep everyone pretty busy at home. What types of things do you do with your kids? We will be working on chores, possibly a garden, going to the library weekly and reading, playing outside playing board games, and maybe even having them learn a couple of special computer projects. I am all for great ideas though, so if you have something you kids just love to do, let me know!!

Don’t Give Up April 28, 2008

Posted by linnic in Uncategorized.
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For those of you who don’t know, my son is is dealing with a lot of mental illness for such a little boy. This internal struggle expresses itself through his behavior. Most of the time, he is an adorable and sweet child who wants nothing more than to please those he loves. Then there are times when he becomes very angry and violent.

Every night when he goes to bed he listens to the CD by Josh Groban, Awaken. Last night he was laying in bed while his grandpa rubbed his back and told him that his favorite song was “Don’t Give Up”. Then he went on to say that this was his favorite song because he thought it was God talking to him.

This morning, I asked him about his favorite song. I asked why he thought God was talking to him.

“Because he says ‘don’t give up. The weight of the world is his.’ That’s something God would say, to let him have the weight of the world and for us not to give up. God sings to me and tells me not to give up. And actually it sounds like God singing.”

Such profound words for a 5 year old to say! His statement tells how much inner pain and turmoil he is in and how he knows not to give up. God speaks to us in all kinds of ways; to him, it was through the words of that song. I have included those words below. I hope this story touches you as much as it touched me, I still get tears and goosebumps when I think about it.

You Are Loved (Don’t Give Up)
By Josh Groban

Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
When your heart’s heavy
I…I will lift it for you

Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I…I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you’re lost inside
I…I’ll be there to find you

Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I…I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved
You are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
You are loved

Don’t give up
Everyone needs to be heard
You are loved

Beach Party March 31, 2008

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My two oldest children decided to have a “beach party” yesterday. They both (5 and 8 yrs) donned swimsuits and went for a swim in the tub. Now, they have done this many times before, in fact this is what we often do when it is too cold/rainy to be outside. Yesterday I was downstairs and heard a dripping sound. Didn’t think much of it. Then I look into the kitchen- OH MY GOODNESS!! A 14×4 ft water stain had suddenly appeared. I bolted up the stairs, opened the door to find an ocean in the bathroom- 2-3 inches of standing water. Remember the scene from Home Alone 4, when Kevin floods the bathroom and it comes cascading down to the 1st floor?? That was ALMOST my house!!

I ordered them to their rooms, told my hubby to hand me all the towels, and using all of those towels, we were able to soak everything up. We drained the tub, dried the floor the best we could, and headed back downstairs. I called my dad- the handyman- he had me poke holes in the ceiling to drain the water so that the ceiling wouldn’t collapse.

We called the insurance and they got a water remediation crew out, so now we have 7 industrial fans and 2 industrial dehumidifiers running. Leave it to my kids!!

Not sure at this point what the punishment will be. My oldest was already grounded from an equally bad decision on Friday, so grounding isn’t my best option. I guess I need to get creative, any thoughts??