Back May 1, 2012

I have decided to return to my blog after a very long hiatus.  I started the blog initially as a way to express my thoughts and concerns regarding my experience with a child who has bipolar disorder.  I stopped blogging when I got a lot of comments bashing my choices and telling me that I shouldn’t bash those with bipolar.  That was never my intent, but unfortunately, our experience hasn’t been a wonderful one and I refuse to believe that I am the only one experiencing these things.   I have disabled the commenting feature on my blog for the time being.  To those readers who mentioned that they are in similar situations, I thank you for sharing your story. 

To offer an update, things aren’t all that different from the last few times I posted.  We are still trying to find the right medications.  We are still attending therapy on a bi weekly basis.  He still has case management and we are still experiencing multiple violent outbursts on a near daily basis.

We are currently back at a psychiatric hospital for the second time in a year.  We are working on trying to find some medication that will enable him to have the time to think about his actions before he goes into a rage.  I continue to be amazed at the lack of support available to the parent of a child whose symptoms include such violent rages.  We are constantly questioned.  In fact, just today the agency in charge of our case management told us that if he didn’t start showing adequate progress that they might refer us to our local child protection agency as a child in need of care.  

I was floored when this was said.  I have done everything I possibly can to try to help my son.  We have been through hours upon hours of individual therapy, group therapy, family therapy, parenting classes, in home strategizing sessions, in home attendant care, case management.  So far, nothing has been effective.  

Today I was told that I didn’t hang in there long enough when trying techniques.  I have tried, given it everything I have for months on end and see no improvement.  I wish that someone would understand that his little brain doesn’t work the same way others’ do.  I have read tons on bipolar and am well aware at some of the astonishing accomplishments of people who have had the disease (both diagnosed, and those from history that exhibited the classic symptoms) and I would love nothing more than for him to be a success story, but we can’t get him to that point with the violent behaviors he is currently dealing with.

Last week we had an incident in which he became suicidal for the first time.  The issue began at school, we took him to a crisis center where he met with a therapist and revealed that he did indeed have a plan, albeit not one that would likely be successful.  We took him home, not yet informing him of his impending hospitalization.  We always take him at night once he has had his evening meds so that he will sleep on the long drive (3 hours).  Once we told him where he would be going, he was hellbent on hurting himself to prevent us from taking him.l  He tried to stab himself and as we were taking the knife away found a lighter on a shelf and said he would set himself on fire.  These were all very new behaviors, and it was one of the scariest episodes ever.  He has currently been hospitalized for the past 12 days and they have yet to suggest when he will be discharged.  

Hopefully I will have the opportunity to update again soon.